Percy’s New Potatoes
Those of you that have been following my exploits will know that Percy has got somewhat tetchy lately because I have been telling everyone about the things he got up to. In fact I did get an email from his son-in-law where Percy was threatening me with his Barrister so I know I have got him rattled. But I feel it my duty to tell these stories because lets face it, you just don’t come across characters like Percy anymore – well not on the outside of institutions anyway. You will appreciate I have gone quite respectable these days but when I was a teenager I was one of Percy’s lads and if Fagin said we were going out in to the Fen I would not argue. Many occasions I would drive to some obscure place and say to Percy where are we going and all I would get back is “keep going son”. Then out of the blue he would shout ”Stop!” out he would hop, pick up all sorts of produce and say something like “these will go very nicely with some butter and garlic “Hmmmmmmmm” and puff on his roll-up. There was, however, a very rare occasion when Percy actually paid for something. Yes, it’s true! well almost. Anyhow we had been fishing on the Lode at Upware and hadn’t done very well which was not a surprise and so we packed up and headed for home. Just as you come in to a little village called Stretham on the left of the road are some allotments and Percy never one to miss a trick saw this little old man tending to his veg. We pulled over, Percy, Gary and I and went over to chat to the bloke. It sort of went like this “Hello, Hello” in a booming voice “your patch looks a treat”. The old guy was somewhat startled, I mean lets face it all he was doing was gathering some new potatoes and carrots for Sunday lunch and out of the blue three shifty characters appear. “They look lovely” drooled Percy. “Yes my first dig of the year” replied the old guy”. Well all this stuff went on for some time. The prey being drawn in to a spider’s web. Not only did Percy persuade the chap to part with a bag of potatoes, carrots and spring onions but also the guy actually went over to his house to get a plastic bag for the produce. Not satisfied, Percy went for the kill. “These are my sons,” he said and they have young children who I am sure would appreciate some of your produce”. The old guy was spellbound, or was he just trying to get rid of us. He filled two more Tesco’s bags full of produce and quite frankly there was not much left of his rows of spuds. He turned and looked at the devastation but Percy was on a roll. Percy then turned to the guy and said “I’d like to give you something for all this – what? I looked at Gary; he looked at me, and shook his head in disbelief as to what he had just heard. “Yes please, take something”. “Graham give the man a fiver”, do you know I actually did as I was told! I mean it was a bargain wasn’t it. All we got on the drive home was “Hmmmmmmmmmm” Hmmmmmmmmmmm”, very nice with a little bit of butter and mint Hmmmmmmmmm Hmmmmmmm. Percy’s top tip for fishing the Lode, fish wheat in August for bags of Roach and occasional skimmers. If you see a little old man tending to his little plot spare a thought.